VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
