Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
