Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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