Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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