At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
