im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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