my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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