Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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