Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
