At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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