The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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