wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
