as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
