totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
