Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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