How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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