she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
