Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
