The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize