he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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