first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
