I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
