since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
