Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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