is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
