i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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