woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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