i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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