I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
