Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
