the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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