it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
