from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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