You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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