Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
