o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
