I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
