I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
