Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
