She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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