I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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