the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
