we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Everyone says I win the strip club
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
