All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
