i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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