I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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