checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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