Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
