dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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