ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
