White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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