Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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