I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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