i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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