oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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