don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
