they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize