I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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